Jared entered the video conference with some trepidation. He knew what this was about. He had been called there by Human Resources after a heated exchange with his manager on Slack. It had been a frustrating day for Jared and it had all culminated in this meeting, attended by the HR Business Partner, the Director of Sales, and Jared’s new sales manager. The Director started things off:

“Good afternoon, Jared. How are things going?”

“Fine,” he said hesitantly, waiting for the proverbial axe to fall.

“I called us all into this meeting together so I could apologize” the Director said. “I realize that I have never properly introduced you to your new manager. There has been a lot on my plate this week and it just fell through the cracks. I take full responsibility for that and I apologize to both of you. That said, allow me to formally introduce you to Greg Hill. He will be your sales manager going forward. He has a wealth of experience in the industry and has built an incredible team here at the company. I am confident you can be very successful on Greg’s team.” “I understand that Greg reached out to you this morning and asked you to explain why you told another manager that you were refusing to work your normal schedule today.”

“Yes, he was extremely unprofessional. He just sent me a message, out of the blue, demanding that I explain myself. I didn’t know who this guy was and I’m not going to explain myself to some random person who messages me on Slack,” Jared replied.

“Actually, I have the entire interaction here in front of me.” the Director said. “It looks like he did inform you who he was at the beginning of the message: ‘Good morning, Jared. My name is Greg Hill. I am a sales manager and you have recently been added to my sales team.‘”

“Well, then he came at me, demanding that I explain myself and being very unprofessional.” Jared retorted. “I don’t know this guy. What right does he have asking me to explain myself?!”

“As I read through the interaction, I don’t see any examples of Greg being unprofessional,” she said. “He was very straightforward and unemotional with his requests and simply asked for an explanation. Your responses, on the other hand, were defensive and disrespectful. He had informed you that he was a sales manager, and whether or not you had previously known that he was your manager, don’t you agree that a manager, any manager, has the right to question you about insubordinate behavior?”

“No, I don’t. And I refuse to answer to Greg Hill. I demand a different manager because I will not work with such an unprofessional person!” Jared said, feeling cornered.

At this comment, the HR Business Partner spoke up: “Jared, you have been moved to Greg’s team because you have had problems with your two previous managers. Greg is your new manager and you will have to learn to work with him, starting today. We have no other teams to move you to, and you are required to work on a team and have a manager,” she said.

“Well, I refuse to work with Mr. Gregory Hill. I will just report to the Director personally and I demand that if Gregory Hill has anything to say to me, he does it in a meeting with HR present!,” Jared retorted.

“Unfortunately, Jared, that will not be an option.” the HRBP replied.

This dialogue is from an actual meeting I observed. The names of the participants have been changed, but the account is otherwise accurate. It resulted in Jared’s termination from the company for insubordination and unprofessional conduct. The dialogue is representative of countless similar communications in business and demonstrates an unfortunate lack of emotional intelligence.

What is emotional intelligence? Emotional intelligence, also referred to by the acronym EQ (for “Emotional IQ”), is the ability to keep one’s emotions in check and behave appropriately regardless of one’s internal feelings. According to Dr. Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence: Why it Can Matter More Than IQ, emotional intelligence is “the largest single predictor of success in the workplace,” which is precisely why it should be a key part of any Leadership Development program. A high degree of emotional intelligence (“high EQ”) helps leaders communicate more effectively, empathize with others, and give and accept feedback in constructive ways. These skills are paramount to effective leadership.

Emotional intelligence is achieved when our higher executive brain functions manage and temper the reactivity of the primitive, impulsive portion of our brain (the “lizard brain” as some have called it). Our normal reactions to lash out and behave irrationally are modulated and controlled for a civil, more appropriate outcome. This is the essence of “professional” behavior, which is crucial to effective communication in the workplace. In the example above, Jared allowed his primitive reactions to take over, based on his prior interaction with his manager (a process Dr. Goleman refers to as “flooding”), clouding his perspective and causing him to lash out and make unprofessional statements and demands. This resulted in the loss of employment, likely financial impacts, and almost certainly deep regret.

According to Dr. Goleman, emotional intelligence involves self-awareness, self-regulation, self-motivation, empathy, and social skills as fundamental competencies. For some individuals, one or more of these competencies may be innate, but all can be developed through training, discipline and effort.

Emotional Intelligence training can be profitable for any business of any size by decreasing HR complaints, improving the effectiveness of communication, and slashing recruiting costs. It should be a primary component of your Leadership Development program. This post is the first of a series dedicated to Emotional Intelligence. In subsequent installments, I will examine how to train and develop emotional intelligence within your organization.

Read more about emotional intelligence in Daniel Goleman’s transformational book here.

How could increased emotional intelligence benefit your company? Tell us in the comments below.